


Be Patient With My Love

by ASJEO



Series: Happiness is... [1]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Established Relationship, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21943843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASJEO/pseuds/ASJEO
Summary: “What do you think?” Sam steps back from her latest project with a huge grin on her face.“Wow…” Jack gapes.“It’s too much?” She winces, she knew she’d gone overboard with the tinsel.
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill
Series: Happiness is... [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1580596
Comments: 29
Kudos: 80





	Be Patient With My Love

**Author's Note:**

> So, it’s Christmas and our gorgeous heroes are finally together, what could go wrong? 
> 
> I apologise for the angst, this was something I wanted to explore and I’m not sure it quite came out as I’d intended but here I am posting it anyway. I know we want them all fluffy and beautiful but realistically, there are a lot of scars there and this is what I wanted to dig into a little deeper. 
> 
> I wrote most of this at 6am, on my phone on a plane so I apologise for all and any mistakes.
> 
> I listened to Cam’s version of I’ll be home for Christmas and Lady Antebellum’s Be patient with my love on repeat as I wrote this. If you wish to do the same it may set the scene?
> 
> Finally, I want to wish you all a wonderful Christmas. I hope you all have a peaceful, joyful holiday. Much love to you and yours this Christmas.

“What do you think?” Sam steps back from her latest project with a huge grin on her face.

“Wow…” Jack gapes.

“It’s too much?” She winces, she knew she’d gone overboard with the tinsel.

“No, no. It’s perfect.” He takes a step towards her and wraps his arms around her, his chest pressed against her back. 

“It’s perfect.”

“I can’t believe you weren’t going to get a tree.” Sam rests her head on Jack’s shoulder.

“Well, luckily for me, my new roommate is obsessed with Christmas.”

“I’m not obsessed.” Sam laughs, staring at the tree, revelling in her handy work and the feel of him behind her.

It was his idea for her to move in after a few months of dating. She moved in three weeks ago and she feels like everything is as it should be. She is amazed at just how easy it was to slip into this easy relationship with him, after years of angst and heartache. Sure, there had been some bumps, she called him Sir six times in their first month, once during sex. It took a while to find the balance, to stop looking at him like he was her boss and instead like he is her equal but she’s there.

“I had no idea you loved Christmas so much and I thought I knew everything about you.”

“My mom loved it,” she can’t hide the tinge of sadness in her voice. “She always went over the top. One year she bought a snow machine, I thought my Dad was going to have a heart attack.” She smiles softly as she feels Jack’s arms tighten around her. “When we were off world or saving the planet, I didn’t really mind missing Christmas, but when I’m on Earth, I like to carry on her tradition.”

“What’s next?” He asks, pressing a kiss into her neck.

“Well, it’s Christmas Eve, Eve… So… Home alone.”

“Yes!” She smiles as he moves to the kitchen, no doubt to find the popcorn.  


-SJ-  


As the film ends Sam turns to face her sleeping partner. She loves being wrapped up in his arms on his sofa, it’s her second favourite place in his house. She trails her fingers across his cheek, unable to stop staring at him as he dozes. “I love you so much,” she whispers.

“Oh, yeah?” He opens his eyes and meets her stare with a lazy, sexy smile.

They’ve never needed huge declarations of adoration, it isn’t who they are, being together is enough for both of them. Even when forced to confess their feelings under duress neither one of them used the ‘L’ word, but suddenly Sam is aching to tell him just how much she loves him. 

“I’ve never loved anyone like this,” she admits. 

She has always been so guarded, the horse that had to be led to the water, encouraged to fall in love and to show love but here she is, falling so hard that it exhilarates and terrifies her at the same time. “I didn’t think it was possible to be this happy.” For the first time in her life she isn’t ashamed of her vulnerability, this feels so right and with him she feels so safe.

He leans in and captures her lips with his. Moments later he laces his fingers with hers and leads her towards her favourite place in his house to show her exactly how much he loves her.

  
-SJ- 

He is wide awake when he feels her searching for him in the bed. He is as far away from her as he can be.

“Hey,” she whispers, sleepily, pressing her chest against his back. She can’t remember the last time that she woke without him wrapped around her or the other way around. She doesn’t like it.

“You okay?” She mumbles, surprised that he doesn’t turn to face her or kiss her. He’s the most tactile man in the world. 

“Yeah,” he wraps his fingers around her wrist, only to move her arm that is draped across his waist. He’s up and out of the bed in seconds. “I’ll be back.” 

-SJ- 

Around twenty minutes later she makes her way towards the living room where she finds him on the sofa, staring at the tree. 

“Jack?” She tilts her head to the side. 

“Carter, go back to bed.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just having a little trouble sleeping.”

“Anything I can help with?” She raises an eyebrow as her hands find the bottom of his T-shirt and begin to tease the skin underneath. 

“Uh, no.” His hands capture hers and he gently pushes them away before letting go. “I don’t want to keep you awake so I’ll sleep in the spare room.”

“What?” She begins to laugh when she looks at him and realises that he’s being serious. “No. Don’t be ridiculous, I don’t mind-“

“I do.” And before she can say anything else he places a soft kiss on her forehead and is gone. She stands for a few moments wondering if she should go after him. Against her better judgement she decides to leave him be. 

-SJ-  


She is surprised to find him gone when she wakes after a disturbed sleep. She had made her way the the kitchen, ready to listen to whatever was bothering him only to find an empty house.

It’s hours later and just after noon when he returns and she immediately senses that something is wrong.

“Where were you?” She asks, trying to hide the irritation from her voice.

“Out.” He answers, walking past her without meeting her stare.

“Are you okay?” Sam follows him into the kitchen. She can tell from his body language that something is bothering him. It’s the first time that she’s seen him like this as Jack, she’s seen it a hundred times when he was Colonel O’Neill. 

“Jack?” she asks as he doesn’t answer.

“Carter,” he spins to face her. “I just need a little space. It’s been… We haven’t had much space recently and it’s just a bit…much.”

“Right.” She nods and is out of the kitchen in seconds. 

Minutes later she is stood staring at her own reflection in the bathroom mirror. She feels something akin to panic building in the pit of her stomach, this is something she was not even remotely expecting from him. She had insisted, when he asked her to move in, that it was happening too quickly, but he was the driving force behind it. She suddenly feels like a guest who‘s overstayed her welcome.

She lives here now, she has no where to go in order to give him the space that he‘s asked her for.

She takes a deep breath and tries to be rational. Reminding herself that she is probably overreacting but there’s a little voice in the back of her mind reminding her that this is what can happen when you love someone too much, they have the power. She hadn’t minded giving that power to Jack, she trusts him. She takes another deep breath and repeats that mantra. She trusts him.

-SJ- 

“I’m going to go for a ride, maybe pick up some bits for tomorrow.” She places a soft kiss on his cheek, noting that he doesn’t turn to her or say a thing as she leaves.  


-SJ-  


“Hey,” Sam shrugs off her coat as she enters the living room. She’d managed to stay out for a few hours, hoping she’d return to find him in a better mood. However, the longer she stayed away the angrier she became about how he had treated her. She understands bad moods, she understands needing space but what he’d done today was unfair.

“Hey,” he offers her a soft smile and her shoulders relax slightly.

“Do you… do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?”

“Whatever happened last night and this morning?”

“No.”

“Okay,” she bites her lip, she really doesn’t want to push him. “You know you can talk to me-“

“Carter-“

“I just don’t understand-“

“There’s nothing to understand.” There’s an air of anger in his voice.

“So, I can expect for you to blow hot and cold with me going forward?” She knows that she should leave it. They’ve never fought before but she’s mad, mad that he made her feel like a stranger in the place that she is supposed to call home and even madder that he won’t tell her why. 

“I’m not blowing hot and cold-“

“Yes, you are. Last night we made love, we had a perfect night and I wake up to find you gone?”

“Jesus, Carter, a man can’t need some time alone? Some space?”

“It depends on how often you’re going to need space, Jack.” She can feel the anger building. She hates herself for not letting this go but she needs some sort of reassurance that this isn’t something that is going to happen often and he’s giving her no such thing.

Jack is nothing like Jonas, nothing at all but this behaviour, this hot and cold, is exactly what Jonas used to do and she’ll be damned if she allows someone to treat her like that again, no matter who it is. 

“What? You want us tied together for the rest of our lives?”

“No, that’s not fair.” Has she been clingy? Does he feel like she has been? She suddenly feels like she might understand what this is, what he’s trying to tell her. 

“If this…” she takes a deep breath, steeling herself to say something she really doesn’t want to say. “If you’ve realised that this isn’t what you want then just say it.”

“What?”

“It’s fine. I can take it.” She can’t take it. She can’t take it at all, but she won’t let him know that. She is so afraid of his answer. How could she have been so wrong about this? How could she have allowed herself to fall so deeply in love with this man, to tell him as much all the while not realising that he might have had a change of heart.

“Carter…” He starts. She stares at him waiting for him to confirm her worst fears but instead he just stares at her, saying nothing. It’s all the confirmation she needs.

“I uh,” she swallows the lump in her throat, she will not cry in front of him. “I’m going to go.”

“Don’t go. It’s Christmas Eve-“

“I know.” She needs to move, to get out of there as quickly as she can because it feels like her heart is slowly crumbling in her chest. How could she have allowed herself to be so vulnerable?

“Where’re you gonna go?” He takes a step towards her.

“Uh, Daniel’s or a hotel.” With each step he takes towards her she takes one back. She moves into the bedroom, opening her suitcase and grabbing anything she sees that looks like hers.

“Carter.”

“It’s fine. I... I should have realised, this was too much.” 

“Carter, please. Don’t go.”

“I can’t do this.” She finally turns to face him with tears in her eyes. She loves him so much. She was so sure. 

“I’m sorry,” he reaches for her but she pulls away. “Carter, I’m sorry.” He swipes a hand across his face. 

“I wish you’d just told me that it was moving too quickly.” She isn’t angry at him as much as she is herself. She knows him, she knew that moving in was premature.

“Please don’t go.”

“It’s for the best. You need space, you need to figure out what you want and... if you realise that it’s not me then you need to tell me.”

“Sam-“

“It’s okay,” she mumbles as she closed her suitcase. She needs to leave, now. She trying to be as calm as she can be but she can feel how close she is to crying and she doesn’t want to do that in front of him. She reaches for her suitcase and moves towards the front door. 

“I love you.”

She stops and turns to face him, her brows are furrowed with confusion. He’s never said those words before. 

He moves towards her slowly. “Don’t go.”

-SJ-

“Last night you said you didn’t think it was possible to be this happy.” They are sat on the sofa with a small distance between them. “I’ve been this happy before...”

Sam listens as he speaks, unwilling to interrupt him as he finally reveals what’s bothering him. 

“...and I didn’t think I ever could be again. I was awake all night wondering how the hell I got this lucky again and I realised... I don’t deserve you”

“Jack-“

“I never thought I could be happy again after Charlie, I’m not sure I have the right. Part of me feels like I’m... betraying him.” They have only spoken briefly about Charlie, she has never wanted to push him. He knows that he owes her this explanation. “I went to see him this morning.”

Sam suddenly feels guilty. She’s pushed Christmas on him, not thinking about how difficult it must be for a bereaved parent. She’d insisted on the tree, the traditions and then had the audacity to be mad at him for visiting his sons grave. She should have realised that he might want to do that. 

“I’m sorry-“

“No.” He puts his hand up, stopping her as she speaks. “This was all me. Last night, for the first time in a very long time I thought about the future, our future.” He hesitates. There are so many things he wants to say. 

“You deserve happiness.” She can see from his reaction that she’s hit the nail on the head. His shoulders slump as he meets her state. “You do, you’re a good man.”

“I’ve done-“

“We all have. We’ve all done bad things.“ She lifts her hand and gently runs her fingers across his cheek. “You’re a good man.”

-SJ-

The conversation comes to a halt after that. Although she can never truly understand his grief she thinks she understands how he’s feeling and why. She understand why he reacted the way he did. She wonders if he had resigned himself to a life of grieving for his child, if he’d ever even considered that he could be happy again. She knows him, she knows that he will never stop punishing himself for what happened to Charlie, she only hopes she can soften the blows. Sam doesn’t need him to talk about his son, or the loss, she doesn’t need to pry for answers or promises that this won’t happen again, he’s said enough for now. 

She places a soft kiss on his cheek and he asks her to stay. 

After a quiet dinner they climb in to bed, both exhausted.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, reaching for her and resting his head on her chest. 

“I know.” She gently threads a hand through his hair as the other draws small circles on his shoulder. “Get some sleep. Tomorrow, we can get up whenever you want, then we can go for a hike.”  
“What about the Christmas traditions?” He lifts his head to meet her gaze. She had told him exactly what she wanted to do on Christmas morning, none of those plans included lazing in bed or hiking.

“I don’t need them.” She doesn’t want them, not if they’re going to hurt him. He presses his lips against hers. 

“I want them.” He speaks quietly, his forehead resting against hers. “I want the the presents, the films, the games.”

“It’s okay.” She reassures him as her hands skim the back of his neck and shoulders. 

“I want them.” He pulls away and meets her gaze. “I want them.” He wants the Christmas that she’s planned and he wants the future he thought about last night. 

He wants to marry her and he thinks he might want to be a father again, something he couldn’t even begin to think about before his moment of revelation last night. He isn’t ready to tell her yet, but he will. It was that thought that sent him to Charlie’s grave this morning, needing to feel close to his son, to apologise for even thinking about having another child. 

He had been so certain that grief was going to be the main feature of his future, that he would never again find happiness. Sam entered his life when he least expected it and changed everything. He’ll never stop thanking whoever is listening for giving him this second chance.

“I love you.” She tells him, wrapping her arms around his neck and encouraging him to move until he’s on top of her. 

“I love you.” He kisses her again, this time with determination. “God, I love you.” 

“Show me.” And he does.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn’t let her leave. Even with all of these obstacles I still believe they are meant to be and would make it through anything. 
> 
> I like to think of this as a little prequel to The Purest of Pain.
> 
> I’d love to know what you think.


End file.
